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Stillness as a life skill

Stillness As A Life Skill

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Stillness as a life skill

Our work around stillness has come out of listening to lots of people we’ve worked with answer the question “What are you really looking for in your life?” Often the first response we hear is people saying that they simply want peace: “A sense of peace in my life and in my heart that tells me I’m ok.”

It became apparent that this is a deep desire we all have. We all need a bit of stillness in life to reground and recentre ourselves, particularly in the face of what can sometimes be a manic world.

What Is Stillness?

Many people think of stillness as the absence of activity. But stillness is not simply doing nothing. Stillness is so much more than being still.

Stillness is about being present to what is flowing through us. The stillness we aim for is more like the peaceful rhythm of your breath or your pulse. It’s the stillness of a flowing river, or a gently billowing sea. That’s the stillness of a human being.

Why Is Stillness Important?

A lot of us feel like we’re constantly living off balance and under pressure. It can sometimes only take the smallest thing to tip us over. It feels like many of us are operating on the edge of our energy.

But within the busyness it’s hard to really listen to ourselves. It’s only when we find stillness that we truly begin to notice what’s happening below the surface, and sense what the deep drivers in our lives really are.

And as we find a bit of peace and a bit of comfort with who we are, we begin to listen to each better too. It’s only when we pause and think a little more deeply that we understand other people, and find our love or respect for them.

There’s also something that changes when we come into any activity from a place of stillness. We’re just better at it. We’re more resourceful, we’re more attuned, we’re happier.

Stillness In Daily Life

We believe that stillness is more than just a reflective practise – it’s a life skill.

It’s all very well intentionally coming away on retreat or going for a walk and finding peace there. But can you find your stillness in the midst of a frantic day, an argument, or a crisis situation?

Our ability to come in and out of stillness is an essential life skill. When we get busy, it’s easy for things to become slightly manic or distorted. So we need to learn to pause, breathe, and ground to our deeper selves. Then, we find more resourceful ways of engaging with others, and make better choices in our lives.

The ability to pause and to find an answer from a different place is what differentiates people who live well and are able to respond to life creatively from those who get scattered and respond to life reactively.

Stillness And The Good Way

Stillness is really important on our retreats. It gives us a chance to listen deeply, and to find some of the answers we’re seeking within ourselves.

We find that stillness in a group can be infectious. When 2 or 3 of us get there, the whole group settles, and we find a quality of relationship that’s really unparalleled in most of our experience. That’s what’s really special about our retreats – the quality of shared stillness that we find.

Stillness is particularly helpful when we’re exploring the bigger questions in life, like we do on our Crossroads retreats (LINK). Crossroads questions (LINK) need to be answered from a place of calm, clear, still, centredness. That’s the place we make good decisions from, because we’re connected to ourselves.

What Next?

Learning to keep our stillness in the middle of the busyness, the pressure and the noise that’s in the world today is at the core of a lot of our work. It’s a focus for us and something which shapes all of the retreats we offer.

If you’d like to explore this a little more, you might like to join our free guided meditations or consider a Finding Stillness retreat.

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At times like these…

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What Are Crossroads Moments?

At times like these…

Change has become part of our everyday lives – changes in technology, our environment, the financial climate, our relationships. Most of us manage – more or less – to keep up with these daily changes, but what happens when we reach a major crossroads?

At these moments, circumstances come together and force change upon us. There is a natural rhythm to some crossroads moments – having children or retirement for example, which are demanding but expected. Some crossroads are of our own making. We feel stuck where we are and want to create change, to find a new direction. Others are forced on us through redundancy, illness, death or divorce, often not of our choice and harder to cope with.

Where do we go for help at these times in our lives?  One way to make time and space to listen to ourselves is to go on retreat. A retreat is time when we discover the wisdom that lies deep within us. We may then understand more of the fullness of the life to which we are called. We will also discover more confidence in our ability to handle such situations.

Moments of major change can redefine our lives. The choices and decisions we make can alter our direction of travel and open up whole new experiences for us.

So the question, and the challenge, is: ‘how do I make good choices at these times?’

If we had more confidence that we would make choices that lead to positive new experiences, maybe such times would not be so difficult for us. One of the things we need to learn is to listen to ourselves more deeply. Yet other voices seem louder.

Many of us might never have asked ourselves the question ‘What do I really want?’ Finding our way through to answers becomes a journey in itself. Do we know what we ourselves have to offer? Do we know or appreciate our unique gifts and abilities? What are we especially good at? Can we be confident in our unique contributions?

Change creates an opportunity for us to discover new ways to express ourselves – to become more fully ourselves both in our activities and our relationships.

A retreat such as Crossroads can be so much more than a one-off experience at a change point. It can give you tools and a way of thinking that is for life. It can give confidence which equips you because you will know more about who you are, what you can contribute and how to make the onward journey. It can provide a platform from which to move into your developing future.

This is what Peter did at a time when he had been made redundant and took two days on a Crossroads Retreat to consider his options. In some ways he welcomed this redundancy which had created the opportunity for change. His work had become stale and he was reflecting on why this was so and where he needed to change.

Over the two days he mapped his journey to discover how he had got to this place and what he really wanted for his life. He thought about the process of change and was able to focus on where his strengths lay and what he is uniquely gifted for. His confidence grew as he began to see something of his way ahead and to see that this time of change could provide an exciting opportunity for him. This is his comment a year on from his retreat:

“Things are moving fast, I have to say. All that happened on the retreat is really taking shape, in a scary way in fact. I am still reaping insightful and hugely encouraging benefits a year later. I have never known two days seem like two whole weeks before – so refreshing, so different, so worthwhile.”  Peter

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Facing Retirement

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Facing Retirement – What Treasure Will You Take With You On The Journey?

Facing Retirement

Does the thought of retirement fill you with excitement and anticipation or do you dread the idea of giving up your job?

Have you recently retired and found the transition difficult?

Retirement can be a fearful time for many – it’s one of those “Crossroads moments” when you don’t know what’s ahead you just know that you can’t go back.

A lot of the advice that seems to be available, relates to financial security and health. From our experience, from running retreats and online courses for people at key transition points, we’ve found these are not usually the biggest concerns. The issues are more often linked to an individual’s self-worth and identity that can get lost when you stop working.

One of the first things we recommend, is that you assess what you have done in your work life to date. What things did you love doing? What environments did you thrive in? What did people come to you for and value from the contribution you made? Do you see a pattern in the responses? Perhaps ask your colleagues, friends or family members what they appreciate about the things you do. What things do you love to do in your spare time? Again, look for common themes? There usually are some. The answers will remind you of the things you have achieved…; the high points of your career…; the impact you have had on the people you worked with and for…

These are like pieces of treasure that you want to hold on to and take with you into retirement, or into further paid or voluntary work. You will no doubt have had your low points too – things you didn’t enjoy about your work, the monotony, the frustrations, the disappointments, the stress, and sometimes even the culture in your workplace… That’s the rubbish that needs throwing away or leaving behind in your past and not dwelling on any further – except to the extent that those things may point you more clearly to the things you love to do and the things that are important to you. Try it!  You’ll surprise yourself at how big the pile of treasure is and how small the pile of rubbish is.

Someone once suggested to me that there is no such thing as retirement – it is really re-tyrement! To put on new and different ‘tyres’, in order to continue to be active in fulfilling your purposes and serving others. Look again at the treasure you identified. How could you use it to help others and bring fulfilment to the rest of your life?

If you’d like some help with exploring that question more fully, a guided retreat might be a good fit for you. You’ll find more information here or if you’d prefer, you can get in touch with us to discuss here.

One of our recent participants wrote:  “I completed a Crossroads retreat two months ago when I needed to take a step back and look at where I am and where I needed to go from here. I was approaching retirement with some trepidation, having been working as a professional in a local authority for many years. The retreat guides were relaxed, competent and professional and led the sessions, exercises and discussion with easy confidence which encouraged us all to feel safe to tell our stories and speak about our fears and anxieties. Some of the exercises were challenging, but in a proudly safe and helpful way, and I learned from them that I have a lot still to offer and sufficient resources of character and will to succeed in a strange, scary but exciting new world of retirement.”